#Caffeine Powered
‘Avowed’ Trailer: After Obsidian went ‘Fallout’ now they’re going full ‘Skyrim’ and I’m here for it!
You know, I never thought much of Obsidian. Despite them making Fallout: New Vegas, which is beloved. However, they absolutely blew my tits off with The Outer World. Which means I’m completely down with Avowed, clearly their take on Skyrim. Here’s the trailer!
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Weekend Open Bar: Stylin’ & Profilin’
Woo! It’s motherfucking vacation for me, baby! Well, almost. My summer class has concluded, which means that all I got across the next six weeks is the occasional work at the Writing Center. Woo! Woo! Drink in the musk of my euphoria, which will slowly burn off by early evening. I mean, I had to get up at 6:30 this morning. But, fuck it! Woo! Woo! Woo! It’s all good in this realm, baby! And, I hope you motherfuckers are ready to hang out this weekend!
Let’s pop on our robes, pop off our pants, and get to it, fellas! Stylin’! Profilin’! What are you beautiful fucks up to this weekend? Playing anything dope? Reading anything worthwhile? BBQing? It’s the time of times during the week when we all hang.
New York Times has dropped another story about how aliens are real. This timeline is wild, my friends.
The New York Times has dropped yet another story about how aliens are real, dudes. Like, just throwing it out there. Stories about “off-world vehicles” and shit like it’s no big deal. Tremendous.
Star Wars Rumor: There’s a Lando series starring Donald Glover coming to Disney Plus. We don’t deserve it, but fuck yes
Holy shit, please let this be true. Rumor has a Lando series coming to Disney+, starring none other than Donald Glover. Goddamn. Goddamn! All you fucks who wrote off Solo and never saw it, suck my ass! It was a forgettable, fun-as-hell popcorn flick, and Glover was the highlight.
Venus has dozens of active volcanoes, farting on the idea that its a dormant planet
Man! Here we were, so sure that Venus was a dormant planet. Nope. Nope! Quite the opposite. The son of a bitch has dozens of active volcanoes.
So These Are Comic Books (7.22.2020) – Stranger Things Have Happened
Jesus fucking Christ, friends! Is it really happening? Have I emerged from the mucus-covered womb of Oblivion? To resurrect the comic book column? Well, powder my scrotum and call me your baby boy! I have. I have! It’s been over four fucking years since I last babbled incoherently about the funny books! The sequential sweethearts! And in that time? Darkness! A pall over my comic book life. Like, no, seriously. I stepped foot in a comic book store for the first time in forever yesterday.
It was a glorious moment, not unlike Superman coming out of his Tomb-Thing, with a rich mullet and a black costume. At the same time? I have fucking no idea what’s going on in the world! Like, at all. So, that’s why I have CLEVERLY rebranded this column, to celebrate my reentry into this glorious world. So These Are Comic Books! Get it? No? Yes? Fuck you!
Seriously though, I need you fuckers to participate in this weekly New Comic Book Day column! Now, more than ever. ‘Cause let me tell you, I’m fucking clueless about the world these days.
Per usual, I’ll go first! But I hope to see you in the comments.
Here’s what I snagged this week.
NASA experiment shows that radishes could probably grow in Lunar soil. I fucking hate radishes, but this is…rad
Man! What the fuck we going to eat, when we’re living on the Moon? Well, according to this NASA experiment? Radishes! Grown in the lunar soil.
Christopher Nolan’s ‘Tenet’ has been delayed indefinitely because people can’t wear fucking masks
Tenet has been delayed indefinitely, folks. Which means Nolan and WB have accepted the obvious. You know, that movie theaters ain’t fucking opening any time soon.
Monday Morning Commute: It Ain’t Palm Springs, But It’ll Do
What’s up, you grease-covered, slickened pieces of shit?! Or, rather that’s how I imagine your body. ‘Cause like most people, I can only imagine others bound by my own circumstances. You see, it’s hot as fuck out here in the Northeast. And that’s how I would describe myself. Greasy. Slick. Horny for air conditioning and ass. Hungry for cool breezes and caloric depravity. And most importantly? Feeling half-decent. With the semester winding down, I can feel my mind-anus unclenching. I’ve found myself sleeping a bit more deeply, and awakening a bit more carefree.
All of this explains why I’m actually writing an MMC on a Monday evening! Ha! Wowzers! Take a carrot, shine it with petroleum jelly, and stick it in my ass! Watch as I scream in delight! Cover the eyes of small children and other innocent passersby!
Anyways, what the fuck, let’s do this shit!
Here’s the detritus swirling up against my life-hole this week, tempting me, plugging me, encouraging me. I hope you’ll join me in the comments!
KFC is working with a Russian 3D bioprinting lab to develop first lab-made chicken nuggets. Let’s go ‘Blade Runner’ baby!
KFC and a Russian 3D bioprinting lab are working hard, friends. To do what? Bring the world the first lab-made chicken nuggets. Fucking awesome. Sign me up! I mean, don’t you dare protest. What they’re already made of? Far, far worse shit.
