Monday Morning Commute: Electron Elixir

February 21st, 2017 by Rendar Frankenstein

Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!

What’re we going to do? Well, first I’ll share a bit of word-nonsense that I brain-bloodletted. Then, I’ll run through some of the pop culture and slop culture I’m devouring in the hopes of filling the existential void this week.

Then, if you’re feeling kinky, you can hit up the comments section and share the ingredients you’ll be using to create an Anti-Ennui Potion.

Okay, time to rock!

—-

“I’m tellin’ ya, Freddy, y’gotsa fillyer self up wif electrons!”

Garvey first stumbled upon this latest kick during one of his many daily treks to the library bathroom. Why, you ask, did Garvey visit the library bathroom throughout the day? Well, this was one of the only spots in the entire town where a bum could safely do those things that we all do in the bathroom.

Shit. Shave. Cocaine.

This was the case when Garvey found himself shoulder-slamming into the biography-stacks – Louisa May Alcott popped out – when he overheard a local professor guest lecturing in the conference room. Garvey crept to the doorway and stood there, utterly fascinated.

By what the professor was saying. By what the seventh graders and senior citizens were asking him. By the prospect of raiding the refreshments table.

Processing all that he could, Garvey came to realize that he’d have something very important to show Freddy at their usual afternoon meeting on the stoop behind the post office. Something very important to give to Freddy, at that! So when the lecture ended, Garvey ZINGED! out of the library, so that he could get to the store with enough time to still rendezvous with Freddy.

“Hey numbnuts, what’re you doin’?!” This was how Freddy typically greeted his brother-in-rags, but this time the salutation was powered by the shock of what he saw before him.

And amphetamine dust.

“Look’ere,” Garvey nodded toward the empty thermos, the full bottle of discount vodka, and the package of 9-volt batteries, “I jus’ was at the library and I saws me a science-man, a true-life professorial, talkin’ up a storm `bout the power of the atom and all. Sees, we’re all just creatures mades up of smaller bits o’ stuff and those bits’re made up of bits, and even those bits’re made up of bits.”

“Heavy.”

“Hella-right – some of the bits’re so small not only can’t nobody sees up, hell, they might even be under-detectable to God hisself!”

Freddy, eyes wide, made the sign of the cross.

“Hey! Don’t do that, Freddy, `cause God ain’t helpin’ us if he’s making an imperfect system with bits o’ reality he can’t even see. It’s like if I makes a barrel-fire and I can’t notice the sparks that’ll come out and burn up my pubes while I’m sleepin’. Anyways, the professorial says that, that these little bits of stuff have a charge to `em. Electrons! Electrons, Freddy, they zip around the atom with this badass negative charge and can do all sorts of shit!”

Freddy nodded. Garvey continued.

“So I gets the idea, I does, to use these electrons to our benefits! Y’drink enough Gatorade, y’get filled to the brim with electrolytes! Says so in the ads! Well, I’m makin’ Garveyade!”

The vodka was emptied into the thermos. The 9-volt batteries followed. The swirl of the wrist was added for good measure. The batteries made a percussive clank against the inside of the thermos.

And then the concoction was offered up for consumption.

“I’m tellin’ ya, Freddy, y’gotsa fillyer self up wif electrons!”

—-

Finally (freakin’) Seein’:
La La Land