Mutual Understanding: Episode VI: Return of the Plot Holes

Welcome to the inaugural Mutual Understanding.  What I hope to accomplish with this column is just that, mutual understanding.  I learned over doing a year of High 5s that I can be a very negative person when it comes to pop culture.  So each week I will pick a topic that either I don’t understand and ask for clarity, or a topic that I know to be misunderstood and defend it.   So hit the jump and get ready for a fight … or get ready to agree.  You people are hard to gauge.

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Return of the Jedi is as bad as one of the prequels

That is the topic of this week’s discussion.  I know I’m not breaking any new ground here; honestly I want to start this one off with an easy one.

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None of the Empire’s plans make any sense.

We learned from their utter failure at Hoth that the Empire has no tactical abilities.  This rings true in Return of the Jedi as well.  This had been dissected hundreds of time on the internet.  Coming into the movie, the Emperor has two main goals; to kidnap and indoctrinate Luke Skywalker and to destroy the rebellion.  Both of these could have been accomplished in the first 15 minutes of the movie.

Once Han was frozen in carbonite, the Empire had to know Luke and the gang would come after him.  So how do you turn that to your advantage?  Oh I don’t know, how about keeping an eye on the place.  Jabba’s palace looked like a place that you could bribe the locals to send word of trouble.  Hell, Boba Fett likes money; ask him to text you when Luke shows up.  But alas, the rebels come in, fuck shit up, and then leave.

How about the moon of Endor?  Judging from the state of the Death Star, it had been there a while.  Don’t you think the Empire would have surveyed and pacified the indigenous population?  Or hell, we saw from the Rebel base on Hoth that you could put a force field around a planet to prevent bombardment.  And the deflector shield on the Death Star prevented ships without access from entering.  So why not put a deflector shield around the forest moon and never have to worry about someone blowing up your other deflector shield.  Obviously the Empire does not believe in redundant security.

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The Rebels are stupid stupids that are stupid.

Leia is the worst leader in the history of leadership.  She’s even worse than the Emperor.  She puts the whole rebellion at risk to rescue her boyfriend.  Luke gets lucky with the Rancor.  And even after Luke kills it, they throw him in a prison cell.  Let’s say that the empire had indeed created a relationship with Jabba.  I can only imagine the robo-boner that Vader would have had at hearing that not only did they thwart the rescuing of Han, but they also have the leader of the rebellion.  Oh, and that Luke fella you wanted?  Got him too.  He comes with a free Wookie.  Then they only blow up the Death Star because of the Empire’s arrogant stupidity.

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In the end the Empire is toppled by teddy bears to sell toys to babies with enough deus ex machina to make Damon Lindelof throw up his hands in defeat.

So am I crazy?  Am I looking too deep into things?  Or am I right?  Let’s talk this shit out.