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This Week On The Walking Dead: Home

February 20th, 2013 by Sneaky Pete

Uh oh. Here we go again. Time for another Walking Dead 2min Redux. Another chapter of the slow moving train wreck has passed, and we must celebrate it’s release with ritualistic satire. So join me, as we emerge ourselves in splashing wet entrails of the infected, on our spiraling journey of a true sadistic television experience. Ahoy!

The intensity kicks up a notch this week, but so does the mindless melodramz, and nonsense. I have a couple things to note, before we get on with the show. First off, Glen has proven that he really should be the leader of the group. The idea to sneak and kill The Governor was the only thing that made any strategic sense in the ENTIRE EPISODE. Everything else was just nonsense. You just attacked and killed members of another group, and they know where you are located. Smart people would batten down the hatches, put a lookout on duty, and get ready for retaliation. What do they do? Rick goes all MacGruber, and tries to fuck his dead wife in the brush outside the prison. Daryl splits, only to return when it is too late to have an impact. Glen takes over, but then goes on a pointless errand that removes him from doing anything useful. Way to be prepared for a counterattack. Well played.

Secondly, how stupid was the counterattack when it actually did happen? The first shot was total marksman status, but then no one hits anyone the rest of the time? Each side wasted like 1000 rounds of ammo without grazing shit. Then The Governor uses zombies to scare them out into the open. Great idea. But instead of waiting for that to happen, and then kill everyone, he just leaves. And when he is leaving, he literally PASSES Glen on the road out. Why did they not shoot the shit out of Glen? Just doesn’t make any sense.

But if it made sense, the 2min Redux would not exist. There would be nothing to make fun of.

Home

We pick back up, after pretending Rick’s crazy outburst never happened…

CRAZY RICK: Derpdy Derp. WHAT THE BUTT?

GHOST LORI: Riiiick. Riiiick. I’ve come back from the dead to fuck more shit up.

CRAZY RICK: Awww damn. Ghost Lori be lookin sexxxy. Ima head down there and check it out.

GHOST LORI: Come Rick. Let’s meet outside the safety of the prison gates for like no reason other than to create unnecessary danger.

CRAZY RICK: I fucking love you Ghost Lori. I fucking love you.

CRAZY RICK: Let’s stay out here forever and have ghost sex. Fuck tha world.

Meanwhile Daryl and Merle are still out on their own, and already fighting…

DARYL: Fuck your racist bullshit Merle. I want to go back to Rick and them.

MERLE: You think you’re better than me?!? Blah. Blah Blah.

MERLE: Aww damn! Our redneck father beat you too?!?

MERLE: Damn, son. I swear never knew.

DARYL: Ya, thanks for looking out dickhead.

A baby cries out in the distance…

DARYL: We gotta save dat baaaaby.

MEXICANS: Oy! Los muertos locos!

DARYL: I got yo back Mexican dudes. Don’t worry, I speak the international language of badass.

DARYL: BEASTMODE!!!

MERLE: GREAT JOB DARYL! NOW LET’S STEAL ALL THEIR SHIT- UM. Or not. Whatever.

DARYL: I’m going back to the prison. My people need me. I can sense it.

Meanwhile back at Woodbury…

ANDREA: So what are you going to do about my friends fucking your whole shit up?

THE GOVERNOR: Pouty pout. Nothing. I’m over it.

2 seconds later…

ANDREA: Milton, have you seen The Governor? I can’t find him anywhere.

MILTON: Seen who? I don’t know anyone by that name.

Meanwhile back at the prison…

GLENN: Aight with Daryl gone, and Rick gone crazy, I’m in charge. I say we sneak in and kill The Governor in his sleep!

MAGGIE: Glenn, I’m mad at you for like no real reason at all. Fuckoff.

GLENN: Fine. I’m gonna go do some pointless chores on the other side of the prison instead of standing watch. BRB.

Like 2 seconds later…

AXLE: Whatup Carol? Now that Daryl’s gone, I’m tryna get up in them drawers–

THE GOVERNOR: Sup Bitches!!! How you like me now!?!

CARL: Oh snap! We sure didn’t see this coming.

CRAZY RICK: Huh? What? All this noise is a major cockblock.

CRAZY RICK: Oh noes! With me pinned down out here tryna get laid, Daryl gone, and Glenn dicking around somewhere else in the prison, we are at a tactical disadvantage. Prolly should have put someone in the guard tower instead of fighting with each other or acting crazy all the fucking time. Derp.

A 10 minute gunfight ensues in which basically nothing happens…