THE GANG OMEGA’S PICKS OF 2012: R.C.’s Worst Apocalypse Ever Edition
Remember me? No? Okay. I really don’t have a good excuse for my extended absence other than I have the attention span of a gnat.
Anyway, I was at work the other day, doing my thang, when one of my coworkers commented on the fact that the world was going to end the following Friday. Laughing, I told him to shut the fuck up, because the world was supposed to end in December. He gave me a look, one of those ‘you are too stupid to live’ looks, and said, “It is December, R.C.”
When the serious fuck did that happen.
But then the apocalypse didn’t happen and now I have all these awesome end of the world-related one-liners that will go forever unused. Such a shame.
Movie
This was a tough one. I found myself at the movies so often this year (they set up a cot for me in theater 17) that I actually had to write out a list of my favorites.
My top movie of 2012 is the fabulous Skyfall. I was never a big Bond fan growing up; the only Bond films I was exposed to were the Pierce Brosnan films, and even nine-year old me could tell they were shit. Imagine my delight when Casino Royale came out. A whole new Bond, a kick-ass story, and a flawless as fuck Bond girl. I saw it a bajillion times. Then Quantum of Solace came out and it was like Pierce Brosnan all over again. I had very high expectations for Skyfall—and all of them were surpassed.
Daniel Craig plays the resurrected 007 with such bone-aching weariness and exhaustion that you’re in a state of tension throughout the film, and Javier Bardem is goddamn terrifying as Raoul Silva. My favorite part of the film (besides fucking blowing shit up in Scotland with Judi Dench and Albert Finney) was the introduction of Q and his repartee with Bond. I would seriously watch them do nothing but destroy things and snark at each other for two hours straight. Actually, I think that should be the next Bond film.
The direction, cinematography, screenplay, and soundtrack were flawless. Sam Mendes and team, good job. I nominate you for all the awards.
Runners Up
Argo
The Dark Knight Rises
The Avengers
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Worst Film of 2012
Snow White and the Huntsman, aka Kristen Stewart Needs To Stop Being In Things: The Movie
TV Show
I’m not a big TV person, but I’m hella loyal to the shows I do watch. And while I enjoyed the fuck out of The Walking Dead this season (and to hell with the naysayers, I know they deviated from the graphic novels and I don’t care), there is only one show that stands above the rest. One miniseries, to be exact.
BBC’s Sherlock premiered its second “season” (if you can call three episodes a season) at the beginning of the year (and in April for everyone in the USA that doesn’t know what a torrent is) and its finale caused the entire internet to explode. I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a little kid with a skinned knee. I did. And then I flipped some tables and read fanfiction to make myself feel better.
Season two was not as strong as season one, in my opinion, but it was still head and shoulders above everything else on TV. Martin Freeman gave one of the greatest performances of his career and Lara Pulver absolutely blew my mind as the fierce and sly Irene Adler. Yes, Benedict was fantastic and is an incredible Sherlock, but he didn’t strike a chord with me this season the way he did in season one. He totally nailed it in the final fifteen minutes of 2×03, though—and he was robbed of that Emmy. And BAFTA. Fucking hell, will someone give this dork an award already?
Most Disappointing Moment In Pop Culture
Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman split.
Love is dead to me now.
Album:
“Holy Weather” by Civil Twilight. A fair most of you are going who?, which is fair since they aren’t a terribly big band, but goddamn did they put out a good album. A follow-up to their 2010 eponymous debut album (one of my top favorites), Holy Weather is a little more up-tempo, a little less depressing, and a little bit amazing. One of the things I like about Civil Twilight is their ability to write beautiful, genuine lyrics. They have a way of painting incredible pictures with their words, and Steve McKellar’s voice is absolutely gorgeous. It’s a falsetto without being falsetto, if that makes any sense. And while everyone is creaming themselves over Mumford & Sons’s new album, I’m over here with Civil Twilight, happy as a fucking clam.
Book:
I’m going to have to go with The Complete Anthology of H.P. Lovecraft, because it’s the only book I can actually remember buying and reading this year. I think the last book I genuinely read was World War Z in 2008. What can I say? I’m busy writing my own shit—I don’t have time to read anybody else’s.
Comic:
I hope this counts, and if it doesn’t I really don’t care. 2012 was the year I discovered Oglaf.com, a brilliant serial comic for adults. It’s basically sex. Everyone is having sex. And if they’re not having sex, then they’re being hilarious and it’s a prelude to sex. I have no idea who writes/draws it and I don’t want to know—the mystery is one of the best parts about Oglaf. That, and the sex.
Out of Right Field Awesomeness:
Key & Peele’s Obama anger translator videos. This doesn’t even need a written explanation.
Video Game:
I’m skipping this one. I haven’t played a video game on a recent console since N64 came out in 1996. I still have and play games on my SNES, if that wins me any cool points. Probably not. That’s probably just sad.
Food:
2012 was the year I discovered Chipotle. My wallet has yet to recover.
Person I’m Surprised Didn’t die:
Todd Akin under the weight of his own stupidity. That could be said for any number of politicians, though.
Biggest moment of surprise:
When it was announced that the new Star Trek film was being called Into Darkness and not Lensflare: The Movie.
Eagerly Awaiting:
The slew of movies coming out next year, including: Iron Man 3, Star Trek: Benedict is playing Gary Mitchell I swear to god, Zero Dark Thirty, Thor 2: The Dark World, Man of Steel (aka If I come out of this liking Superman I will punch a baby: The Movie), Elysium, Monsters University, Now You See Me, and more.
Desperately hoping for:
Lindsay Lohan to spend more than four hours in jail. And Tom Hiddleston to show up at my place, demanding sex.