This Week on The Walking Dead: Seed

Welcome back my infected kindred, to another head-smashing season of The Walking Dead 2min Redux. Our first drop of the 3rd season wasn’t terrible, and actually kept the traditional whine-fest to a minimum. So go slam a couple dews, heron, or whatever you need to get your mind right for a brand new season of high-filtered zomb-dram, and let’s dance.

The first thing I want to point out, is the entire last season DRAGGED OUT over like 2 weeks, and half the cast died. Now several months later, after the winter on the run going in circles, they are in the same spot, having taken no casualties, and dealing with an inhospitable Georgian winter. Not to mention somehow miraculously avoiding the hoard tsunami which has kept them from moving more than 50 feet from where we left off. But I digress.

Everyone is bigger and badder this year so far. Characters are more exaggerated in all directions. Daryl is more baddass. Lori is whiney when it doesn’t even make sense. Carl is less of a bitch. Etc, etc. Anyways that’s all I really got from it. Feel free to add your more intelligent takes in the coms.

Seed

I guess everyone somehow survived the winter intact…

RICK: Knock Knock bitches. I am your neighbor. Lend me some suga!!!

CARL: Last year, it would take me a good 30 secs to get the balls to shoot.

CARL: Now I only pause in fear for a few seconds.

OWL: COME AT ME BRO!!!

DARYL: Not much here. Let’s GTFO!!!

TDOG: 34 Strong Iso XY Option Red Lindell Oklahoma. That’s the safe play here.

DARYL: That prison would be a great place to hole up.

RICK: I HAVE AN ORIGINAL IDEA! WE WILL TAKE THE PRISON AND LIVE THERE.

They hatch a plan to take the outer prison yard between the fences…

RICK: Cover me while I make a suicide run to shut the inner gate. Errybody now.

CARROL: Get Sum. Get Sum. Cmon. Get Sum.

HERSHEL: Anyone who moves, is a zomber. Anyone who stands still is a well disciplined zomber.

LORI: GIRL POWER!!! Fuck Laundry.

GLENN: Hey idiots, you could save a lot of ammo, and make a lot less noise if you do it like this. #Dumbfucks

RICK: WAY TO GO TEAM! You guys aren’t as worthless as I thought. Good show.

EVERYONE: Kum-bay-aaaaa, my lord. Kum-bay-aaaaa. We sure could get used to living in no man’s land. This is great.

RICK: Don’t get comfy. Tomorrow we push into the yard. This place is a looters gold mine, you dumbfucks. Am I really the only one who gets this?

LORI: Don’t you think we should stay here in no man’s land?RICK: STFU LORI, you dumb beotch. Why don’t you go fuck Shane’s zomber corpse?

CARROL: My shoulder hurts. Can you give me a massage? Wanna have sex?

DARYL: I’d rather bang a zomber corpse than have sex with you, Carroll.

The next day, they begin to take the inner yard.

RICK: Ok guys Phalanx positions. TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!!

DARYL: Zomber kill of the week!!!

RICK: DARYL!!! I need you in my life right now.

ZOMBERS: Sup Deudes? You can’t kill me. But conversely, I can’t really bite you either. Doy.

MAGGIE: Check my steezo.

GLENN: Good looks Maggie boo. I fucking love you schmoopy.

RICK: FACE CHOP!!! Nobody fucks with the Rickster!

EVERYONE: This cell block is perfect. We can live here forever!!! Prison is awesome!!!

RICK: Don’t get too comfy. We need to take the rest of the prison. Like right now. Because I said so.

Meanwhile somewhere else…

ANDREA: Cough cough. I seem to have jaundice or zomber infection or something. Give up on me. Leave damnit.

MICHONNE: I got you girl. Your love kept me warm all winter, reverse broke back style. Solidarity.

Back at the prison…

HERSHEL: Derpidy derp. Nothing to see here, but a dead zombers…

ZOMBERS: Sneak attack!!! Got ya beotch. Opossum-status.

ZOMBERS: NOM NOM NOM

RICK: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I can’t let you die, you are my Lori bullshit filter!!!

RICK: OK I got this. Lemme whip out my didick, and I will get to chopping. I need the room in my pants for the extra bulge.

RICK: Now this may sting a little bit. Brace yourself, Hershey.

RICK: The key to the perfect cut is get it in just the right spot.

RICK: MY NIPPLES ARE TINGLING! Do you feel that Hershey? We gettin the poison out.

RICK: SQUIEEEEE! I just came.

PRISONERS: Now that was super finucked.

The end.