#July2012
Russell Crowe wants to direct a BILL HICKS BIOPIC. This will be uh, interesting.
The William Hicks biopic is getting off the ground, apparently, and Crowe is aiming to direct it. I had no idea that Russell Crowe wanted to make a Bill Hicks movie, let alone that he was a fan of the mad genius.
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Edgar Wright directing Sci-Fi flick ‘COLLIDER’ For Bad Robot. Lens flare celebration.
Dork alert! Here is a mash-up of two geek sacred cows, Edgar Wright and J.J. Abrams. The talented twosome are joining hands and singing out the tale of Collider.
Monday Morning Commute: Transcender’s First Headache.
Transcender knew he was in for a world of shit.
He’d woken up from his Post-Lunar nap a bit early. Which wasn’t unusual. But rather than waiting for Larissa – the lab assistant with the big smile and bigger bust – to help him out of his pod, he crawled out on his own. Everyone on the Station knew that rule number one is that Transcender was never to be left to his own devices.
Especially after a nap.
Running a hand through his beard, Transcender gazed out the bay window and laughed to himself. “Sweet Man-Jesus, where’ve they sent me now? Is that Saturn? Oh, if Rodrigo could see this, he’d prolapse for sure!”
Had he studied the mission plans as thoroughly as he told Doc he would, Transcender would’ve known that they were far, far past Saturn.
Transcender Yonder’s attention was fully directed out the window, on the satellites and comets he’d soon be smashing to pieces, when a breeze of bitter wonder wafted into his nose. He immediately spun around, balancing best he could while his muscles readjusted to the artificial gravity, and began searching for the source of the smell. Other than his pod, all that was in the room was sterility – medical instruments, monitors, a vacuum.
And, much to Transcender’s delight, a coffee pot.
Fast as he could, the Meta-Man approached the coffee pot, threw back its lid, and poured the contents into unhinged gullet. Having never tasted coffee before, Transcender basked in the wonder of simply experiencing something new. Coffee! Aha! So this is what they drink when they wake up! A fine concoction! Chemically stimulating and socially facilitating!
But then Transcender’s hyper-sensitive neurons kicked into gear.
Larissa walked into the room just in time to see the six-foot-six ubermensch fall to his knees. He clutched at his left eye and screamed, “I have the pressure of a dying star within my skull! Sweet-mammaried Larissa, save me! I beg of you!”
Without hesitation, Larissa picked up the phone on the wall and dialed zero. “Doc? Yeah, it’s me. Looks like he got into the coffee. Yeah, Transcender’s having his first headache.”
Already knowing the answer, Transcender Yonder looked up and asked sheepishly, “Am I in trouble?”
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This is the Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to run through the things I’ll be doing to entertain myself during the week. Then, you hit up the comments section and do the same. Hell, ain’t this the whole damn point of the Internet?
Let’s rock.
OPEN FOR BUSINESS: The OL Store!
Come one, come all! This day’s been in the making for longer than we’d like to admit, but it’s finally here! Today, we officially open the OL STORE!
We’ve taken the same overcaffeinated, slightly-delusional, fun-lovin’ panache we put into our posts and smeared it all over some t-shirts. The result? Nerd-culture t-shirts that’re bound to inspire conversation wherever you go – the supermarket checkout line, the watering hole of your choice, or your weekly D&D session.
Round One of the great OL STORE battle royale sees eight different designs climbin’ into the ring. Hit the jump to hyperspace, grab an ice-cold Pepsi, and check out our wares!
‘DEAD SPACE 3’ went multiplayer because single-player games were “TOO SCARY”. Oh you f**ks.
The litany of excuses for turning Dead Space 3 into Gears of Space continues. The latest fuzz is that the games were, wait for it, too fucking scary to be played alone. What the shit.
‘MAN OF STEEL’ TEASER TRAILER: I hate that I don’t hate this.
I caught this Man of Steel trailer prior to my viewing of Dark Knight Rises, and now it is online for the rest of the world to see. My main problem with this teaser trailer is that I actually find it enjoyable. This can only be setting me up for the inevitable disappointment of experiencing yet another Zack Snyder flick. Right? Fuck, I hope I’m wrong.
Dude with the world’s LARGEST PENIS faced trouble at San Fran AIRPORT SECURITY over said package. C’mon now.
I remember reading about this dude a while back in Rolling Stone and feeling sorry for the son of a bitch. I always thought having the world’s largest hog would be dope, but it is more impractical than anything. Now dude is getting hung up at airports and shit for his mini-cannon.
WEEKEND OPEN BAR: Close Encounters of the Awesome Kind!
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
Love `em or fear `em, there’s no denyin’ that extraterrestrials are an absolute fixture of our pop-culture consciousness.
Aliens have been depicted in variety of forms, from the benevolent bestowers of universal knowledge that helped build the pyramids to the nefarious sons-of-bitches that ruined Jeff Goldblum’s Fourth of July. Some spacemen want to go home. Others just want to call their folks. And the worst of `em want to kill Danny Glover.
Coming from outer-space (and thus being the most foreign specimens imaginable), aliens are elicit more fear, joy, and awe than anything on Earth. Who amongst us hasn’t looked to the skies and wondered whether or not we’d be visited by someone – or something – from beyond? You might’ve been inspired or horrified or curious, but I have no doubt that the thought’s crossed your mind.
So, the prompt for our open-bar: Who is your favorite extraterrestrial?
The Dark Knight Rises – It Rises, It Rises, It’s Risen, It’s Here
[Caff note: spoilers abound in the post-article comments area. You were warned. As well, Omega-Level sends out love, thoughts and best-wishes to everyone grappling with the DKR midnight shooting tragedy in Colorado]
How is anything supposed to follow The Dark Knight? Nolan’s trilogy ender will reap enormous numbers of attendees and box office dollars solely based on people wanting another TDK. Another round of dark, violent and unpredictable chaos in Gotham. Another villain as jarringly memorable as Ledger’s Joker. And another story that transcends comic roots and becomes lovingly embraced by the mainstream as a ‘crime saga’.
This might hurt your appreciation of Rises as it nearly did mine. In so many ways, this film feels like a direct sequel to Batman Begins. It notably takes the few elements it needs from the trilogy’s second chapter – Harvey Dent’s ‘legacy’, Rachel’s death and Bruce’s need to pass the mantle on – and forgets about the others, rejoining the stream Begins established seven years ago.
It’s awesome that the film feels like a much more appropriate bookend to Nolan’s trilogy in that regard. My fear was that the runaway success and rampant permeation of the Joker and TDK into popular culture would mean that everything about Rises would follow from, and be influenced by TDK, and only TDK. Not so. Not so at all. I’m definitely still a little dizzy off the high of the midnight venture to see this, and I’m sure I missed many more vital connections to TDK, so take his all as a sleep-deprived first gut reaction.
Press Start: Death, Duke and Shagging
Welcome back to Press Start: a column that used to be written by Caffeine Powered. Whilst he battles his crippling addiction to bath salts I’ve agreed to fill in, so without further ado; I present you with five individual, shrink-wrapped nuggets of gaming news all prepped and ready for your consumption.
