THE MILLION HIT PICNIC. WE’VE DONE IT.
Sometime whilst I slept during the night, dreaming of Jennifer Lawrence and liberal uses for gelatinous desserts, the Spaceship Omega quietly hummed across a threshold. While Sleep Ian was generating a point in the Multiverse where j-e-ll-o was sliding down nooks and crannies of Lawrence’s (praise be!) curvaceous body in a dimly lit but swank shaggin’ wagon, we hit a goal we had been anticipating for a while. We received our one-millionth unique page view.
Now, for some sites this is a day’s worth of traffic. For other sites, it may be their weekly traffic. For Rendar and myself this journey began three and a half years ago on a lark. The aim then as is now was always to create what I’ve come to appreciate as an aggregator for all things we found awesome-cool-interesting-arousing-Jennifer-Lawrence-intriguing as well as a medium with which to give venue for our own voices. Like some perverted internet-space-whale, throughout the years we’ve accrued krill hanging on for dear life. More traffic, a committed little community, other contributors to our fart-scented moderately-insightful portion of the Internet.
I hadn’t even begun to contemplate the idea of a millionth hit until Eduardo Pluto pointed out that we had a good chance of hitting it this year. Not the best at paying attention I just nodded and went back to whatever I was doing. Which was probably swearing at him in an instant message while refreshing the twenty-something websites I haunt. We pinned the date originally sometime in June or so, and dedicated ourselves to throwing some sort of soiree when it hit. The party will have to wait for BBQ weather, but we’ve done it! #Yuna
Lately, shit has started getting interesting. Our traffic over the past…two (?) months has taken on a life of its own, and the millionth hit accelerated towards our biomass with reckless abandon. Thanks to an utterly absurd day of traffic this past week (pro-tip: the internet, like us, loves Neil deGrasse Tyson) we cracked that sumbitch much earlier than expected.
It’s surreal as fuck.
I put an obscene amount of time into OL on a daily basis, its maintenance often threatening to overtake everything in my life save masturbating (we call that between post breaks). At least nineteen times a week I swear that I’m done, that I can’t possible keep up the pace anymore, and that I’d be better off being sane. Actually sleeping. Not combing the Internet for worthy points of interest. Reading more. Writing creatively more.
Yet at the end of every night I end up in front of the glowing screen, posting. And masturbating. Oh the goo I sling while I’m posting. What always keeps me going is the home this place has become to a collection of posters whose discourse I consistently enjoy. I’ve always aimed to be the demented post on the Highway of Distraction with a positive bent. I encourage cock references, tap-dancing in vaginal leakage, and rampant enthusiasm. Where this place strives is its general dedication to the enthusiasm for the geek bent that we partake in. Perverts and reprobates: yes. Snarky internet trolls: fuck you.
So it’s you, you pack of assholes twisted enough to stomach a dude wanting to talk about mowing jello out of a celebrity’s butt (wait, you thought it was somewhere else?) that keep me going. Thanks to each and everyone one of you who reads, and double-thanks to those who comment and engage in some positive vibing geek stroking.
Finally, through our persistence OL is ready to wile the fuck out. We’re beginning to attain the sort of traffic where we can leverage companies we dig into (maybe) noticing us. It should be exciting. The first three years have been us coming alive, and now we’re in our adolescence. We have pubes and we’re ready to punch stuff and run through walls.
Gratitude and a stink-palm handshake for ya’ll.