‘JURASSIC PARK’ Set For 3D Re-Release Next Year. OH JOY.

Steven Spielberg may lament changing E.T., but it appears he isn’t beyond throwing together some shitty 3D for a re-release of Jurassic Park. Hey, you win some, you lose some.

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Well, if his buddies James Cameron and George Lucas are doing it, why not Steven Spielberg? It’s an easy cash grab, nerds will eat it up thought they’ll pretend to complain about it, and the studio doesn’t really have to do anything except spend some coin on conversion and some cursory marketing. And hell, Universal is so confident about this movie, they’re giving it a prime real estate summer release date.

The studio has announced that “Jurassic Park 3D” (sigh) will land on July 19, 2013, pitting the dinosaurs againt DreamWorks Animation snail racing movie (or whatever) “Turbo” (good luck with that). This move is a big indicator that not only are retrofitted movies here to stay, studios think this is a potential goldmine and hell, with Disney already showing that it can be done in a big way thanks to “The Lion King,” and with “Titanic” likely to clean up all over again this spring, who’s to blame them? You vote with your dollars, people. But you won’t see us forking over hard-earned cash to watch this 20 year old movie — not designed for 3D — all over again so we can see Jeff Goldblum’s head in three dimensions. But a whole bunch of people will, and hey, it’s their money we suppose.

Just a few more dollars for Spielberg and the New  Illuminati  to funnel into their secret space colony on the far side of Mars. Obviously.