George Lucas: Greedo Always Shot First. God My Blood! It Boils.

Fat Lucas, Douche Emperor of the Geek World is spouting off again, this time thanks to promotions for Episode I: Three Dimensions of Suck. Latest crime against his own community? Claiming Greedo always shot first.

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It’s kind of amazing that after putting fans through countless tweaks and changes, a dreadful prequel trilogy, and shoveling mountains of shitty merchandise their way, the “Star Wars” faithful have still supported the filmmaker and turned his sci-fi adventure into a $20 billion industry. George Lucas has always had disdain towards the very people that built up his mountain of wealth, and there’s a reason why — the fans have allowed him to. With every interation of a “Star Wars” re-release, the faithful grumble and moan and make threats and then hand over their money anyway, so what reason does Lucas have to change anything he’s doing? So it’s no suprise that on the eve of the 3D re-release of ‘The Phantom Menace,’ Lucas has no problem shooting from the hip because he knows that come Sunday night, the movie will have made him a few more million dollars anyway.

You can practically hear him rolling his eyes as The Hollywood Reporter asks him about the fan complaints about the changes he’s made over the years, and he uses the opportunity to discuss the most controversial edit made. “Well, it’s not a religious event. I hate to tell people that. It’s a movie, just a movie. The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in ‘Episode IV,’ what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t,” Lucas explained. “It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.”

You know, if I hadn’t promised Rendar I would see Ep. I tomorrow with him, and I didn’t think a part of me would enjoy the recollection, I’d probably spend the day smashing my Star Wars toys and eating rocks in protest. I have emotional problems.