Mountain Dew Can Dissolve Mouse Carcasses. Says Who? Says Pepsi.

Some poor bastard is suing Pepsi, claiming that there was a dead mouse in his can. You know, assuming he is telling the truth and is actually just dumb enough to not notice himself pouring a mouse into his mouth. Pepsi’s retort? Bro, our soda can dissolve that shit. Wait, wut?

I Heart Chaos:

An Illinois man sued Pepsi in 2009 after he claims he “spat out the soda to reveal a dead mouse,” the Madison County Record reports. He claims he sent the mouse to Pepsi, which then “destroyed” the remains after he allowed them to test it, according to his complaint. Most shudder-worthy, however, is that Pepsi’s lawyers also found experts to testify, based on the state of the remains sent to them, that “the mouse would have dissolved in the soda had it been in the can from the time of its bottling until the day the plaintiff drank it,” according to the Record. (It would have become a “jelly-like substance,” according to Pepsi, adds LegalNewsline.)

So the good news is, that if you recently murdered someone, you can save yourself a lot of time and suspicion by dissolving the body in a bathtub of Mountain Dew instead of hydrofluoric acid. The bad news is, I just drank a can of that mouse swill.

Pretty amazing, considering that I crush in excess of thirty-gallons of Diet Dew a day. Lord knows what my insides look like. Lord knows I don’t want to know.