Skyrim: It’s Like Crack. With Dragons.
Its 9 am. I wake up, I look around, I get depressed. Something is missing.
Its 11 am. I’m running errands. I go to the supermarket, the drug store, and the bakery. I’m not doing what I should be doing.
Its 1 pm. I’m eating lunch. I stare out the window. Something is wrong.
Its 4 pm. I start thinking about dinner. I’ve already blown off the gym. I need to be somewhere. Where could it be?
Its 7 pm. I’m eating dinner. Its just some mystery meat that I found in the fridge, but fuck it, everything tastes good in a burrito wrap. I don’t feel like myself.
Its 12 pm. I go to bed, dreading waking to another day of feeling like there is a hole in my life. Hopefully tomorrow will hold better tidings. As it stands, November 10th was a dull day.
November 11th started like any other day. I woke up knowing that today was a day of days. What would it hold? Would it be a great day or a terrible day? Whatever the outcome is, the status quo was about to change. For today of all days, Skyrim is released.
I hate doing reviews or write ups of game’s I haven’t completed. Skyrim however is different. I can’t complete it, it completes me.
Can a game be this perfect? Lets take a closer look.
My first impression is that this is the prettiest game I’ve ever played. Graphically, there is nothing to improve upon. I’ve heard tell of bugs and flickering layers, but I’ve been lucky to have avoided those. I did have one graphical hiccup. I was climbing a tower and it started snowing. Now dynamic weather is nothing new to the Elder Scroll’s series, however, the snow started to accumulate. That’s right, I was no longer climbing bare stone, but stone covered in a small layer of snow. I was blown away. I mean, if you can make rain drops appear when its storming, why has no one done a white layer of snow when it started falling? Then I stopped for a moment. I was inside. I was inside and it was snowing. Sure there was a hole in the roof, but not one large enough for this much snow. Its ok. I forgive you Skyrim. I could never stay mad at you.
As I come out of the tower, I notice a bandit on a bridge. I go into sneak mode and I fire off an arrow. Direct hit, kills the bandit one shot. He falls off the bridge and into the river. I run over to collect my prize, but the body is gone. Ok Skyrim. I take that back, I’m angry. I’m a loot whore. Sure I run around killing people to steal their shit just so I can take it back to my house and never sell it because there might be some random side quest that needs it. Sure I already have 27 pairs of leather boots, but I needed 28. You’ve robbed me! Wait a sec. That stream is moving at a good clip, I wonder … yea, the body is floating down the river. The current swept it away. I have to haul ass to catch it before it goes over the … too late. The body went down a waterfall. Its little shit like this that makes me smile.
I spend a lot of time with my thoughts. That’s a creative way of saying that I am alone a lot. Sometimes that time spend isolated from people can generate a creative spark that gets my juices flowing. Other times it can be a trip down a rabbit hole that I know leads to a mental institution. So when I had a vision of me giving my other 360 games a pep talk after Skyrim came out, I has to catalogue it.
ME: Ok guys. Lets be honest. I’ve been going through the motions with you for a while now, and I think its time we all just took a break from each other, cause lets face it, you all kinda suck.
FALLOUT NEW VEGAS: Hold on a minute here, as the duly appoint First game, I have to say …
BLACK OPS: Wait, New Vegas did you just say you were first game? First game my ass, you’re buggier than the fucking rain forest!
FALLOUT 3: Oh Snap!
FONV: Its true. I’m the one he breaks out first when we wants to play a game. I’m the one he bought all the DLC for Black Ops. He only bought two of yours.
BO: That’s because I could satisfy him with minimal investment bitch! I didn’t have to make him pay extra for shit that should have been included! Also, his friends love me. We all hang out all the time. When was the last time he broke you out during a party? Never!
ME: Ok, maybe I started this wrong. You don’t all suck. The following games can consider themselves excused. Black Ops, Arkam Asylum, Borderlands, MW3, Fallout 3. And get that grin off your face MW3. You’re only exempt because you’re three days old. If the elite site isn’t running properly in 5 days, consider yourself on the shit list. Lets take a look around the room. New Vegas, you were fun, we has some great times, but you were glitch. You’d work sometimes and other times you claimed you had a head ache and wouldn’t want to do anything. Left 4 Dead, your repetitive game play is masked by the fact that I’m playing with friends. That’s not a good thing. What you offer is pretty much summed up by saying its something to do while I’m on the phone. Oblivion, I loved you, maybe too much. I’m sorry I broke you by making myself invincible and therefore not fun. It was my fault. GTA4, games are supposed to get better as they progress. You were a huge step down from San Andreas, and that was on a last gen console. For shame! Fuck you if you think I’m buying GTA5. Rock Band … fuck you! I don’t even know how I got you Forza … I hate racing games. Its too long a list to go through one by one, but you’re all terrible.
MASS EFFFECT 1 & 2: Even Us?
ME: Oh shit, forgot about you two. No, you guys were great for the time you had. Now its time for you to slowly go off in the halls of my fondest memories and rest. The point is Skyrim is here. It has set a new bar for how I expect games to be.
I’m not insane. Not totally. But even if I was, you’d have to trust me that Skyrim is amazing.
The one true complaint I can voice is that the menu system is a bit sluggish. Its light years faster than Oblivion’s was, but sometimes you have to press a button a few times to get it to do what you want. Also the AI could be better, but is what I was expecting, so no gripes here.
Combat is fun no matter what approach you take. If you’re a spell slinger, its satisfying to toss an ice spike through the chest of an enemy. If you’re a bruiser, nothing feels better than lopping off the head of a combatant. For the sneakier players, you feel triumphant as you launch a kill shot from a great distance.
Creating a character is a blast. Its also easy. You don’t have to worry about attributes or primary skills. Its all about what you do in the game that matters. The leveling system takes some getting used to. You level up after 10 skills increase. Skills increase as you use them. If you shoot a lot of arrows in combat, you’ll level up archer. If you’re throwing out fireballs, you’ll level up destruction spells. If you’re summoning hoards of the undead to fight for you, you’ll level up conjuration. If you brew a lot of potions you’ll get better at alchemy. The problem is if you level up too many non-combat skills, you run the risk of not being able to fight. If you run into a dragon and your best combat skill is one-handed weapons and its stuck on a robust 13, you’re fucked.
Speaking of dragons, they are awesome. I know that word gets thrown around a lot. But in the truest sense of the word, dragons inspire awe. They majestically fly through the air. The swoop down and attack with grace, only to launch themselves skyward to regain the advantage. Fighting them is no easy task. Its all about patience. The hard part is getting them to the ground. Once you do that, you’ve all but won the day. Because of this challenge, I would suggest every player have a ranged proficiency. So, Destruction or Archery. They are also plentiful. If you see a dragon and miss it, don’t worry, you’ll get your fair share of them.
With a soft level cap (Take that NBA!) its possible to max out your character. As a completionist, I am saddend by the amount of time I’m going to spend in Skyrim. But as apparently a lonely old psychopath, its good that I’ll be off the streets.