THIS WEEK ON Dexter: The Angel of Death.

Is anything going on in this season of Dexter? Is there ice on the tarmac? What the fucking is going on. I couldn’t believe when I heard that this was the fifth episode of the season. It’s a yawntacular batch of nothingness. It’s the television equivalent of entropy. It isn’t good, it isn’t bad. It’s just…there.

Dexter spends a good amount of time hunting down the most hapless lackey in the history of serial killer bro-trysts. Travis can’t even successfully kidnap some drunk broad that wandered off of whatever club Jersey Shore was shooting ad. I knew the dude was fucked when he donned nothing more than a black Champion sweatshirt. That’s your serial killer attire, dude? You look like a fucking soccer dad.

Then he proceeds to get hijacked by Dexter and they blather on and on about prophecy and how James Gallagher is the soothsayer of brilliance or something. I think the entire season would be far more interesting if it was actually Gallagher who was the antagonist. After one too many watermelon smashings he finally snaps. Then he begins to run around blasting people’s dome-pieces with his famous mallet. No though. We have a holding pattern.

Though I have to say!, I have to admit that I’m surprised that Dexter touched base with the Batman and Robin of Apocalyptic Killings so quickly. It makes me wonder if they have some sort of game changer planned for the season. I can’t see Dexter hunting them for the next eight episodes. Jesus Christ, I hope he doesn’t. That would be the pinnacle of stretched-out porn star labia television. Blown out, pulled across the screen. Stinking and gaping and begging me to put a bullet in my head.

I was proclaiming patience a couple of episodes ago, maybe I need to suck down my own nougat. Blend that shit up and let it writhe down the esophagus. I just don’t think we should have to endure something like 40% of a season before something interesting occurs.

Fuck this time last season we at least had “Take it!, take it!” and plus Lumen running around like a petulant son of a gun. What do we have right now? We have Quinn banging that chick from True Blood. Woof! Maybe that’s all the proof we need that the show is struggling. Bringing in fucking True Blood cast-offs.

The relationship between Brother Sam and Dexter is the one high note for me this season. Operating as the egregious obvious foil to the Doomsday Killer, Sam shows that perhaps faith ain’t a bag of flaming shit on the doorstep of humanity. He’s leveraged it to pull himself together, get himself a sweet body shop stocked with offensively generic depictions of ex-cons (tattooed hispanics, c’mon Dexter writers way to play into poor cultural tropes) and walk the righteous path.

It’s nice to see someone pull Dexter out of his melodramatic Dark Passenger bullshit, too. Yeah Dexter, you have no light in your life. Blah, blah. You only have a young child who loves you and a caring sister. Maybe you should lighten the fuck up. Get a therapist. Stop slitting throats. Sam points all of this out and the dullard that is Dexter just keeps on with his Debbie Downer inner monologue and seeing hallucinations of his father.

Nothing gold can stay though, and especially not paths to The Light for Dexter. Even if he were to interpret Sam’s religious offerings in a more spiritual manner, it’s all going to be undercut when Sam eventually a) dies or b) takes a Heel turn. Seeing that the dude gobbled up some lead with his stomach towards the end of the episode, I’m betting on Death by Tummy Rupture. What a bummer. Once he is dismissed from the show — as all guest stars are — it’ll be back to Blah Blah Fate Blah Blah Harry’s Creed That I Routinely Break Now Blah Blah — for Dexter.

What say you chaps? Are you experiencing the thickening sense of Dexter ennui that I am? Or are you digging on it? It’s just like, your opinion man.