OCTOBERFEAST – Fruit Brute
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
There are those who bemoan society’s current condition. These are the folks who love to reminisce about how much more wholesome things used to be, how everything used to be safe and hearty and family-friendly. You’ve probably seen one or two of these types in the supermarket, waddling through the aisles and grousing about the fact that we live in an era in which goblins and lunatic-geniuses encourage the youth to lose their minds.
If you identify with this perspective, it’s probably in your best interest to steer clear of the OCTOBERFEAST!
That’s right, folks, it is once again time to explore those grimy crevices of Hallow’s Eve often excluded from the prepackaged celebrations! So take a rip of the closest beverage, whether it be pumpkin-beer or your Uncle Edgar’s famous gasoline-Mountain Dew cocktail, and make your way into the campgrounds!
We begin this year’s festivities by issuing a missing persons announcement over the public address system:
Attention! Attention! Has anyone seen Fruit Brute?
Anyone that’s ever taken the time to inject some OCTOBERFEAST spirit into their breakfast has inevitably come across the General Mills monster cereals. Initially produced in the early 1970s, these products combine two of the most important components in any child’s life – sugar and cartoon monsters. These morning meal-stuffs proved so popular that Count Chocula, Frankberry, and Boo Berry can still be found in stores. And for that, I truly believe, General Mills deserves a Nobel Prize for Awesome Snacks.
But dwelling behind the saccharine smiles of these cartoon monsters is a question of the most austere variety – what happened to Fruit Brute? How can a member of the crew vanish without a trace? Are Frankenberry and Count Chocula to blame?
Not unlike Chuck Cunningham and Judy Winslow, Fruit Brute simply disappeared. Such a lupine wonder deserved some sort of farewell party at which he could offer a statement or entertain his hordes of admirers one last time. But alas, such an even was not to be had, and since 1983 the world has been entirely devoid of a werewolf-cereal.
Where’s the goddamn justice?
With that being said, there are plenty of people out there keeping a constant vigil, hoping and praying that Fruit Brute returns safely. Take, for instance, the fact that Quentin Tarantino big-upped the cereal in both Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction:
On a smaller scale, artists like Themrock do their part to honor Fruit Brute‘s legacy by continuing to use him as a source of inspiration.
It’s been twenty-eight years since his last appearance, and I just want Fruit Brute to know that he’ll always have a home at OCTOBERFEAST. I’ve never met the dude, but I wouldn’t hesitate to give him a place to stay. So if you happen to see him, send him on over.