Variant Covers: Make My Matt Murdock A Byronic Hero.
It’s a small week for me. Which is okay, because if we’re all pulling down our pull list pants and baring all for one another, I’ll confess that the only comic book I’ve read from last week’s haul is Fear Itself #5. It isn’t that there wasn’t a healthy amount of titles for me to gorge on. It’s just that I’m the prototypical comic book equivalent of an edger. If you’d like to think of my reading comic books as masturbating (because let’s face it for a comic book geek to talk about actual fornication is just killing the motif), then my reading habits have me perpetually hovering around my favorite titles. The time needs to be perfect. To climax with the titles that truly blow my mind. Last week I didn’t climax, my stack of comic books is blue and bulging and asking for release.
I’m not really sure what I’m writing about anymore.
So there’s like comic books coming out this week, right? There’s the second issue of Daredevil coming out, and I’m going to drop the fucker. Yeah, I said it. Maybe it isn’t for everyone, and maybe it was played out, but I enjoyed my Man Without Fear with a smidge of the brood around the edges. Murdock has sassy, witty brilliant mind? Oh god if you needed to hit someone with a coin, I’d suggest you try and hit white male of impeccable education in Marvel Universe. If you don’t hit Murdock, you’ll smack Richards, or at least cheese of Danny Rand. Fuck the camp, make my Murdock raging on the Byronic tip. Thanks. (Though Paolo Rivera’s artwork is stunning. Shit. Conflicted.) Also from Marvel is the third issue of X-Men: Schism, or if you want to be snarky about it Cyclops and Wolverine Break Up Again. They need to stop using Jean Grey as a means for diffusing the obvious balls-emptying man crushes they have for one another. Invincible Iron Man #507 is coming out, and the last issue was the most hilarious breaking of one’s sobriety since my Uncle Hal emptied a turkey baster of vodka into his ass that one time at Thanksgiving. Oh Hal.
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Not feeling Marvel? That’s okay. There’s some Vertigo in the house this week. DMZ #68 is arriving on shelves, and I keep telling myself I’m going to catch up for the finale. Then I don’t read the TPB I have sitting on my coffee tables, because of my aforementioned mental illness when it comes to read comics and my psych meds failing to do their job. Fables #108 is coming out and smarter and more erudite people assure me that the title is wonderful. Oh you’re a swine-lord like me and you haven’t read We3? There’s a deluxe edition coming out this week for $25. I eagerly await buying it from Amazon and then stacking it atop my ever-increasing pile of unread collections. The buying makes me feel so good inside! Accomplished! But then I have to read? Think? Pah! This is America.
DC is releasing Flashpoint: Everything this week. Close your eyes and imagine it. There’s a Flashpoint for it. I promise you. Flashpoint: Barry Allen and Hal Jordan Scissoring Party? Yep. It’s there. I can’t get into the DC universe knowing they’re just treading water until they hit the reset button. Can’t do it. I know the end of coming, I don’t want to get attached. That’s why these days whenever my Nana visits from the nursing home, I refuse to hug her. “Nana”, I say. “We both know it’s best if I don’t get too attached.” Then she cries. Life, man. Rough….Wait, you want actual DC comics? Well there’s Batman #713, as well as new issues of Zatanna, Green Lantern Corps, JLA, and of course: DC Universe Online Legends #14. If I had to suggest two titles though, it would be the Jeff Lemire-powered Superboy that’s dropping this week.
If dudes brawling in jeans and a Jersey Shore-quality tight black t-shirt is your thing. Which it should be. Duh.
And finally, if you’re looking to truly ascend this week into the catacombs of Douchery, there’s a Charlie Sheen comic book dropping. That’s right, for $4 you can buy Infamous: Charlie Sheen. Not quite up to that level of tomfoolery? How about Boys: Butcher Baker Candlestickmaker #2. Is that title any good? I dropped it when Ennis shoved the ninth gerbil up the fifth superhero’s ass. I get it dude, you like deconstructing superheroes by having them in drag and getting ass-blasted by dudes who fondle gerbils or whatever. Wherever did Preacher-era Ennis go? Baby, come back.
What are you guys reading this week?