Bulletstorm Demo Impressions: BONERSTORM.

When I take up a cause, I do it full on. Over-the-top and out of control. If you’ve been poking around these parts lately, you know that I have undergone total dickcrush mode for Bulletstorm. Childish, juvenile, and embracing every fucking moment of it. The demo dropped today, and I was fucking stoked. As I downloaded that shit, I threw up a psalm or two dozen to whatever Vaporous Deity wanted to pay attention to me.

Dear Netherworld Otherbeings, please let this game fucking rock.

Sometimes, motherfuckers hear your prayer.

The Bulletstorm demo throws you head first into the game mechanics, but not before a video explanation. I won’t front, I was too eager. I exited out of the tutorial before it completed and figured that I could rock the fuck out sans-instruction. I wasn’t wrong. The controls themselves feel intuitive. If you’ve played an FPS before, you’re going to know what’s going on. That said, there’s a fucking fuckload going on. Tons of different ways to slay the douchebags in your way.

I’ve heard it described this way before, and I’m going to back it up. This game feels like the Tony Hawk of FPS. The thrill comes in trying to execute new combos. Listen man, I was flailing. I wasn’t pulling anything off with stunning aplomb or the shit, but I was trying man. Every time it told me I had pulled off something new, I felt like I had just goddamn won something. I imagine this isn’t a coincidence. The thrill of the game is going to come through in the skillshots. You want to feel like a vulgar pimp master space pirate motherfucker. Thus, you trudge on.

The aesthetics of the way are sexy, if familiar. It’s the Unreal engine. You know what you’re getting into. I dig the vibrancy of the whole thing though. Even in the Unreal-fueled games I love, there’s always so bleak. Not here. You’re making motherfuckers’ assholes pucker in the jungle! Welcome to the Jungle. Insert cliche, whatever.

I need more Bulletstorm. I was sold on the game prior to checking out the demo, and this tip-teasing just got the glands juiced. The game is irreverent, vile, crude, and awesome. I’m all for a title that doesn’t try to be anything other than that. Furthermore, I’m all for a title that doesn’t want to hide that it’s going for outrageously profane.

Bulletstorm?

Bonerstorm.