Star Wars to Blu-ray: Lucas Responsible for My Mental Breakdown

This just in – George Lucas has announced that Fall 2011 will see the release of a boxset consisting of all six Star Wars flicks on Blu-ray. Of course, Uncle Georgie has decided to once again spit on the fans who desire the Holy Trilogy’s theatrical cuts. When asked about the possibility of releasing the original versions on Blu-ray, Lucas declared;

[Source: /film]

“Releasing the originals is kind of an oxymoron because the quality of the original is not very good. You have to go through and do a whole restoration on it, and you have to do that digitally. It’s a very, very expensive process to do it. So when we did the transfer to digital, we only transferred really the upgraded version.”

Right. I’m sure it’s a matter of the money, not the fact that Lucas is a self-righteous nutjob. I know this is big news, but I can’t help but feel my blood starting to boil. It’s been years since I’ve allowed myself to get worked up over George Lucas and his bullshit revisionist history. But this announcement just brings it all back…

Greedo shooting first? The introduction of a completely unnecesary Sy Snootles number? Hayden Christensen replacing Sebastian Shaw as a ghost? THE FUGGIN’ PREQUELS!? “Master Qui-Gon, what are midichlorians?” What the fugg is a midichlorian? Oh wait, that’s right, it’s a bullcrud demystification of what Obi-Wan described perfectly in 1977. Holy shit, why is Ra’s al Ghul instructing Obi-Wan – didn’t Yoda train him? How come Leia remembers Padme but Luke doesn’t if she died like two seconds after giving birth? Wait, she dies of a broken heart? “Lost the will to live?” Bitch, you have two babies! Super-babies, at that! Chewbacca’s met Yoda? Darth Vader assembled C-3PO?! Palpatine is wrinkly and withered because of electrical burns? Could Obi-Wan be any more ham-fisted or did someone actually think “It’s over, Anakin! I have the high ground!” was clever?

*AHEM*

Sorry. Sometimes I get a little upset about Star Wars. But I’m not alone, even Patton Oswalt shares the sentiment.

Even though Lucas claims he doesn’t have the time or money to put the theatrical cuts on Blu-ray, he’s got no problem cleaning up and adding deleted scenes:

Ah, the woes of being a Star Wars fan.