THIS WEEK ON True Blood: Trouble

Zap! And Laser Hands Sookie returned this week to smite all sorts of dumb ass werewolves and mynads and other people who be acting the fool! The mystery surrounding Sookie continues to grow, and I’m wondering just what the hell is up with Ms. Stackhouse. They’ve been hinting at her being special for a while now, and with the implication that Billy No Pulse was hunting her down far before he fell in love with her continuing to come to light, I’m intrigued.

Are you ready for the forthcoming bullshit that will spill from Bill’s lips, something like “Sookie, I was sent to procure you, but then however, you procured my heart!” Barf. Watch for it.

Meanwhile, Franklin is the best dude on the show. Being insane is awesome. Being an insane vampire is even better. How do I know he’s insane? He’s fallen in love with the most loathsome character on the entire show. Fuck Tara. God, what a waste of time she is on the screen. All she does is make that same stupid concerned face over and over again, which amounts to her pinching her mouth and vibrating as she gets teary-eyed. Yawn, yo! Yawn.

Tara’s like a bunch of other characters on the show: getting too much fucking screen time. There’s no center to the show this season. I mean, there’s a theoretical center which is Sookie, looking for Bill, but she’s not always on the screen, and when she is, she’s with Alcide, who is hunting that King Guy, who is with Bill, who is being chased by Eric who is…who is…Do you see my point?

Fug.

Jason Stackhouse, shirtless, in aviator sunglasses. Bullseye. I wish I could just watch Jason Stackhouse hang out all day with Andy. Jason Stackhouse, blathering bullshit near a pond in the middle of some awkwardly shot scene? What’s the opposite of bullseye?I know this show is just Hot Dudes and Chicks Punching and Fucking Supernatural Entities, but I mean, c’mon. Keep Jason as the comedic relief, or at least keep him away from romantic interludes in the middle of an episode.

Please?

Oh shit! Eric was a king? King Eric is seven shades of bad ass, even if he has Kurt Cobain hair. I was trying so hard to think he was cool, but he looked like he was some actor out of a Renaissance Faire, or like, just some awkward kid who was thrown into the middle of a scene. I can appreciate the sentiment though. But for future reference, Vikings have beards, and they don’t throw their hair around daintily like a school girl.

I still love you Eric, please don’t smite me.

With the revelation that Eric’s family was slaughter by the King of Missourituckybama or whatever, the storyline has gotten all sorts of Centuries Old Epic and shit. But I’m not really sure what the storyline is. It’s become some sort of knotty powerplay between the douchey King, the Queen who hasn’t been on the show, that Magister guy, Zombie Werewolves from Iceland, and the usual Bon Temps crew. And they all seem to be gravitating towards the palatial Hotel Vampire, where everyone seems to be conveniently meeting.

Here’s hoping next week something intriguing happens, and they can take a step away from “Hey, let’s just stand next to one another, posture, and then get pulled around by the King.”