Monday Morning Commute: It’s Sunny Out, I’m Procrasturbating

I need to finish up my final term paper. Quickly. The amount of procrasturbating I’m doing is going to be the undoing of my genitals. Stuck on a particular paragraph? Dinky time. Don’t want to find that quote? Dinky time. Yeah man, dinky time!

It’s gorgeous out, I think spring may finally have woken up fully. I don’t want to be down in my Man Cave, churning out epic tomes of stupidity and vapidity and bile-suffuse academic ramblings. It’s all bullshit. I promise you. Seriously? You know what academic papers are about? They’re about taking a woefully simple idea, mining it for minutiae, and then creating a phrase around that morsel of minutiae. Academic revels in obscurity.

I think it’s probably just the five Diet Mountain Dews and the Energy Drink talking. I think I’m seeing vapors. I literally can’t think straight. I closed my Microsoft Word, and I opened up WordPress, and here you go, pointless babbling across thousands of other words.

Jesus! Allah! Someone! Help!

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

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Playing / Red Dead Redemption, Xbox 360

What should I absolutely, positively, not be doing tonight?! Buying a video game! That’s fucking right! I shouldn’t be buying a video game. Why? Why you ask! I’ll fucking tell you! For starters, I have a fucking term paper due on Thursday. Thursday. Well, I suppose not until midnight that night. But it’s due. Oh god, it’s due. So I shouldn’t be buying a video game because I’m supposed to be writing papers.

But whatever.

Why should I absolutely, positively, not be buying a video game! Why, how about the pile of unfinished fucking video games I have! Ratchet and Clank: A Twat in Time? Meh! Assassin’s Creed II? Meh! Borderlands? Meh! Final Fantasy XIII? LOL @ YOU MEH! Fuck all those games.

I’m buying this video game. At midnight.

Every once in a while a game begins getting so much buzz that it becomes irresistible to me. And I must have it. This game has achieved that momentum in the gaming zeitgeist. Every fucking website is talking about it, people are like, jizzing on it, jizzing right on this dude’s beard.

I’ve had way too much caffeine.

So I’m buying it. Kiss my ass.

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Reading / Planetary by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday

I never finished Planetary. It started in junior year of high school. In 1999. And it ended last year. And it was only twenty-six issues. So it was a lot of waiting. When the final issue dropped I decided I’d wait for the final TPB to come out and I’d read the fuck out of it. I decided I can’t wait anymore, and so I’ve started working my way through the issues I own, and I plan on finishing the run by reading through Pepsibones’ issues.

If you like graphic novels, nerd culture, or fucking superheroes, and you don’t like Planetary, god fucking help you. I don’t know if I want to light you on fire or hold you while I may you cry from divining the various things that are wrong with your wretched existence.

It’s brilliant.

Like, omfg, super-duper brilliant.

THE CAFFEINE, IT REBELS.

No seriously though, it’s an amazing deconstruction and reconstituting of like, every single popular superhero and pop culture trope of the 1900’s. If you haven’t read it, I really think you’ll enjoy it. Do it for me. Do it for the Mr. Powered by Caffeine. My life is short. My heart is palpitating. I do this out of love for all of you.

I promise.

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Oh my gosh I’m not really listening to anything of substance, and the only thing I’ve been watching is shitty fucking LOST. Seriously LOST, fuck you.

What are you guys up to?