THIS WEEK ON LOST: The Last Recruit
Oh no.
Oh nooooooo.
What the fuck is this giggly shitfest that has besmirched one of my favorite shows of all time? Or uh, what could have been one of my favorite shows of all time. There was a silly, dastardly period of my life when I was concerned that LOST could usurp my previous binky for favorite show of all time. I’d have to do deep soul-searching and come to the recognition that LOST was simply superior, and therefore I would have to accept it as my number one viewing experience.
Thankfully, Damon Lindelof, Carlton Cuse, and whatever sort of sugary assholes they’ve holed up in the conference room while barfing out these last few episodes have taken that worry away from me.
I’ll always love you, Billy Adama. I’m sorry I ever thought I’d have to leave you.
Do you guys know how fucking powerful love is? Yeah, well guess what, you’re about to find out! Christ, it has all sorts of magical powers. Maybe the Island is just a big consummation of Zeus’ love for Hera or some shit. Fuck the Island man, love is totally going to save the day. I mean, check it out, it solves aphasia!
Oh, no. I hope those of you who thought that Sun’s inability to speak the English language was some sort of awesome plot-point could settle for her reunion with Jin.
I was actually feeling Sun and Jin’s reunion. Don’t mistake me for some scabby, jaded asshole. I’m actually a weepy mess. I cry every time I hear Aeris’ theme, every time I watch the Lion King, and sometimes while marveling at the ineffable complexity and beauty of the universe.
Do you know what I do when Jin and Sun embrace? I get a little tingle. Do you know what I do when Lapidus comments after Sun talks that it “Looks like someone got their voice back”? I puke all over myself while clutching my skull with both hands and hope I’m in some Transdimensional Universe where the writers from LOST have been replaced by Lifetime Movie Special assholes.
Oh hey it’s Jack, just sitting around, thinking. On a log. As usual.
The power of love! It’s enough to plumb the depths of a man’s abyss and rescue them from the tempest of their insanity! I mean, does anyone think that Sayid really shot Desmond? I sure don’t. After all, how could he live with himself if he got his bitty back, and she was like “Oh, how’d you get me back? You murdered everyone in sight? Oh. Wowzers. I don’t dig you anymore.”
The power of love! The power of love.
Within it holds the key to redemption.
Did Damon Lindelof just get a girlfriend or something? Did something miraculous happen to him between Season 5 and Season 6? Don’t get me wrong, I friggin’ dig love. I’m in it, I embrace it, I am a fan of it. A highlight of my day is falling asleep next to the chick who sets my heart aflutter.
But good god damn, this season really, really, really enjoys it. To the point of nausea.
Oh! Jack’s taking a leap of faith. Get it? In case you didn’t realize he was a Man of Faith now, from you know, being run around following destiny and taking the leap of faith with the whole Dynamite Ain’t Gon’ Blow Me No Up shit from a couple of episodes ago, they had him literally do it. Just in case the mouthbreathers who watch the who didn’t catch on, they decided to smash you over the skull with it.
So we finally get the confrontation between MiB and Jack. Sort of. What we get, with a few episodes left, is the confrontation before the confrontation before the grand confrontation. They talk for a bit in the jungle. MiB calls Locke pathetic again, which we already heard in the first episode of the season.
Doesn’t MiB feel tired at this point? He’s not mysterious or magical or awesome or anything. All he does is prattle on about people of faith being pathetic, and silly, and then he hangs out with his pack of douchebags from the Temple of Irrelevance.
The preview for next week had him shotgunning a few dudes. Or Ak-47ing them. Whatever it was, I found it infinitely more appealing than him talking to Jack, just as he talked to everyone else. That guy is such a Chatty Kathy. Can’t he like, just pick everyone up in his Smokey Paws and carry them to the boat or something?
Naw, yo! More talking through the forest. At least Endor seems gorgeous this time of year, though I keep waiting for Wicket to come out and kick some ass.
I do enjoy the interweaving fate of Jack and Locke on the Island as well as in LAX. While Jack is at the mercy of Locke back in the main reality, Jack’s totally got Locke in his hands over in Flashsidewaysville. It’s sort of neat, isn’t it? How fitting, how complimentary.
I don’t really know where they’re going with LAX, but I’d like to see Jack save Johnny.
Also, in case you missed it, Jack was looking at John through a mirror! Do you get it?!
The power of love! The power of love. The power of love! It has so many uncanny abilities. The ability to cure neurological diseases, the power to awaken Sayid from his darkness. The power to alert Desmond to the falsity of LAX and commit some sort of righteous transdimensional quest. It’s so very multi-faceted. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have the ability to save the plotlines in this dragging, drudging, stalling season.
It isn’t that things aren’t happening; we uh, got Sawyer floating away on a ship. That we know won’t work. We have Jack hanging out with Locke, which we know is only temporary. We have Kate once again going to fuck things up and complicate stuff. I don’t know, maybe I’m just jaded.
I’m not sure what I’ve been expecting from these episodes. Less vom-inducing outright expositions on love and fate. That’s about it.
I don’t take much enjoyment out of disliking the episode. I begged Pepsibones to write this recap because I feel like I’m becoming repetitious in my whining. I dislike feeling this way as much as those of you who are enjoying this season probably dislike reading it.
Who knows.
Next week it looks like shit is poppin’ off. They fool me every week with their previews.
But I am always saved and once again excited by the glances at the preview for next week’s episode. Because of how much I am enamored with LOST.
The power of love.