Next Week, 24 Brings Jack Bauer Shooting People and Starbuck Pursing Lips

24 kicks off again a week from today. And unlike LOST, which I enjoy because it is bizarre, thought provoking, and mind-bending, I enjoy 24 because it is predictable slop. There was a point where I gave a fuck about 24, and took it seriously. Probably for two more seasons than it deserved. But now I tune in just to see Jack Bauer say shit in a gruff voice, have people beg him to save the day, and then watch him begrudgingly come back and kill four-thousand people.

The last couple of seasons I’ve gave up midway, since they seem to rocket their load off our faces like eight episode in. Question: How do you top an invasion of the White House? You can’t. Why they’d have that happen in the middle of a season is beyond me. Or a nuclear detonation. So I get bored, and then I give up on it, and then enough time passes where I forget how bored I was with the show, and I tune in again. And here I am again.

I have a special incentive this season. Katee Sackhoff, who played Starbuck on BSG is totally joining the CTU gang. It is a cheap ploy, guaranteed to get people like me watching. I mean look at the promo pic; they’re so very Kara Thrace. Pursed lips? Check. Viper Pilot-esque clothing? Check. If I see Starbuck and The Guy from Lost Boys mowing down a bunch of people at the same time, I’m going to rupture the Earth with my fangirl scream.