Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Lets You Shake Boobs With Your Controller, Yes I am the Developer

Well, it appears that when my life as a blogger comes crashing down because of my incessant adolescence, I’ll be able to become a game developer.

NGS2 will feature SIXAXIS-controlled boobs. That’s right, a jiggle of the PS3 controller will translate into a jiggle of the character’s bosom. Just when you thought Tecmo couldn’t get any filthier.

If this wasn’t stolen from my perennially prepubescent skull, I don’t know where they would have gotten it. No, seriously. I’m wearing a mind-shroud fashioned from uncooked flanks of meat as I type this. They’ve stolen my million-dollar idea.

I fucking love Tecmo. Why? Because they name no delusions about who their audience is. It’s something the writer of a blog who dubs themselves “From Comic Books to Cumshots” can get behind. They’ve created a mechanic that allows you to shake obscenely large on-screen boobs with your controller.

Here’s a hint for when you play it: If your hands are big enough (like mine), you can probably grab your unmentionables (cocks) and the controller at the same time. Which will get the job done. You know the job I’m talking about.

My only gripe is that there’s no equivalent for the crowd who prefers some man meat. In my estimation, Tecmo should tether the Sixaxis to Ryu’s rather long sword, hidden under his kinky latex outfit. Just saying. Let’s pay it both ways.

I haven’t looked forward to a quasi-sexual interaction between myself and a gaming peripheral this much since I discovered how pleasant my Rumble Pak felt against my crotch when Star Fox 64 came out.